Discover an extract of the monthly bulletin published by the International Reference Centre for the Rights of Children deprived of their Family - ISS N°235 of September 2019
Every year I meet many adoptees who wish to embark on this famous "quest for their origins", an important, indeed essential, step towards a serenely assumed autonomy. This maturation sometimes shakes the family balance. Some people hope for a rebirth, others for a reunion with their culture, or even a country. For most, it is the essential journey to start a new life, to touch a new balance. In her new book, Rebecca Payot takes a look at the emotions, feelings and sentiments of everyone, the "traveller" himself and those around him.
The quest for origins: A miracle cure for the ills of the adopted?
Rebecca Payot, adopted in Ethiopia by a French couple at the age of 5, specialist in children in identity crisis and founder of the association "Des Racines Naissent des Ailes", presents her new book, based on her experience of accompanying people in their search for their origins. She guides the people concerned through a meticulous preparation in several phases.
Phase 1: Inquiry and systemic approach
In order for this search to be beneficial for the adoptee, it is essential that he/she understands what triggers his/her questioning and integrates the reason for this journey or contact with his/her biological family. The levels of reflection are different according to
the age and background of the person, so a tailor-made preparation is
preparation is necessary. This preparation therefore begins with the study of the adopted person's request in order to specify his or her expectations, which can be "readjusted" as the journey progresses. The family and/or the partner are asked to work on the family system. Together, through interactive tools, they go over their adoptive filiation in order to become aware and sometimes knowledgeable about the links that unite them. The adopted person and his/her family exchange and reflect on their respective contribution to the construction of the family bond. This is often an opportunity to express and iron out misunderstandings and misunderstandings, and to allow the family and the adopted person to analyse their respective fears linked to the travel project. The systemic approach generally helps the adopted person to formulate this quest to those around him/her as a logical continuation of his/her life path and not as a disavowal of his/her adoption.
When adoptees are in total rupture with their adoptive family or do not wish to involve it for various reasons, we explain to them why we recommend this family work and insist on the importance of being surrounded by people they trust in this project. To manage tensions during these interviews, we use playful tools that invite each party to question itself.
Phase 2: The travel plan
In this phase the adoptee defines whether he/she wants to go on a simple tourist trip, an immersion trip or a trip to reunite with his/her biological family. Everything is detailed: how the adoptee will manage the planning of the reunion, who will be involved, what questions will be asked, etc. Each element is subject to reflection on its purpose, the management of the emotions to which it will
Each element is subject to reflection on its purpose, the management of the emotions to which it will give rise, for example, in the event of the impossibility or refusal of a meeting. These steps may not be followed to the letter, but they help to reduce the stress of the adopted person at the crucial moment.
In parallel, cultural workshops are offered on the customs of the country of origin with an additional language initiation. The question of the expectations of the biological families and the links to be maintained is addressed and notions of geopolitics are transmitted in order to understand the context of life of these families. During the journey, the adopted person is taken care of by the person who accompanied him or her or by the person who carried out the investigation. During these workshops, the team of counsellors consult each other in order to share their different visions of the work to be done and of the respective pathways of the adopted person and his or her entourage. The constant rephrasing of the various parties' comments allows misunderstandings to be cleared up and the positive aspects of the adoption experience to emerge adoptive experience.
Providing a concrete response and taking ownership of tomorrow
Upon return, we help the adoptee to reconstruct his or her experience and extract the positive points perceived in the culture of origin so that it becomes a strength in his or her daily life. Many people return with new energy and creativity, the opportunity to put on paper the outlines of emerging life projects. We help adoptees to accept their new self-perception and encourage them in this change. This is a continuous support (minimum 10 months) until the adoptee's multicultural repositioning
in his or her life.
In general, a well-prepared search for origins is a kind of rite of passage that allows the adoptee to take control of his or her past. It is a discovery and acceptance of one's difference in order to give it a positive value. Of course there are other ways to rebuild one's self-esteem and to take one's life in hand, but all of them require an acceptance of one's own experience and consequently of oneself in one's difference.
